Day 16: Ring the Bell!

One of the coolest parts of the track and field finals was that each champion got to ring a giant bell that sent the crowd into a frenzy, and provided one more opportunity to celebrate their monumental achievement. The bell is going to be hung in the carillion at the Notre Dame cathedral, as they are rebuilding after the fire.

So for us, in the Fantasy Olympiad, it's time to RING THAT BELL.

CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA

Hunchback of the Swimming Lane entered his 7th Fantasy Olympiad, never claiming the crown. However, in Paris, Quasimodo went WIRE TO WIRE by claiming 27 gold medals and finshing with 374 points. He claims the Golden Eiffel Tower statue.

Eiffel Power started slow, but powered up the standings day after day, to finish on the podium once again - her gold medal total was second at 22 wins. She will wear the Silver Sequined Beret.

Team de Triomphe remained a contender throughout, but fell upon some bad luck, ending with the highest Bronze total at 12. A couple of those convert higher, and she's in second place. Nevertheless, she claims the coveted Bronze prize - the Snoopa Lisa. Hang it in the Louvre!

If you are interested in more stats, I'll post some breakdown below with the top performers and worst performers.  Interestingly, looking back to the estimated standings at the end of the draft, the same three teams were projected to win, just not in the same order. If you recall, Team de Triomphe did have the #1 overall pick, but Hunchback was relegated to the #10 pick.  

Hunchback's team ends within 3 points of the projected total - I don't think anything like that has ever happened before!  It does not mean that each projection came true - far from it - but I ended up with many overperformers that ended up being good value picks in the end. 

Don't Ledecky by far has the worst luck, with a -162 underperformance.  Athletic Avengers not far behind at -143. Time to invest in a national performance enhancement program.

AU REVOIR FROM PARIS 2024!

SEE YOU IN TORINO 2026 and LA 2028!

CUE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

Final Medals awarded:

HANDBALL

• GOLD - Denmark Men - Team de Triomphe
• SILVER - Germany Men - Eiffel Power
• BRONZE - Spain Men - Athletic Avengers

; Ir

WATER POLO

• GOLD - Serbia Men - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane
• SILVER - Croatia Men - Seine Superstars

BASKETBALL

• GOLD - USA Women - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot
• BRONZE - Australia Women - Golden Beret

VOLLEYBALL

• GOLD - Italy Women - Synchronized Race Walkers
• SILVER - USA Women - Macronian Cheese

WEIGHTLIFTING

• GOLD - China Women - Synchronied Race Walkers

WRESTLING

• GOLD - Japan Women, Seine Superstars
• SILVER - Iran Men, Eiffel Power
• BRONZE - Azerbaijan Men, Athletic Avengers; Iran Men, Eiffel Power

CYCLING

• GOLD - Harrie Lavreysen, Netherlands - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane (TRIPLE GOLD in the games!)
• BRONZE - Emma Finucane, Great Britain - Team de Triomphe
• SILVER - Lea Friedrich, Germany - Golden Beret

TOP PERFORMERS

These are all the 31 selections that scored higher than 20 points - team sports max at 20 for gold, and some have a relative max of 20 if someone is in 2 events, or wins in singles and doubles/team. 

My Uzbek boxing team proved to be an elite wildcard pick, but they didn't even start compeition until the last few days. I ended with great value from 7 of the 31 selections on this list, when an average would have been 3 per team.

OUT-PERFORMERS

These competitors all secured MORE points than they were projected - led by none other than the Finned Frenchman himself, Leon Marchand.  Synchronized Race Walkers clearly displayed their prowess in eyeing talent, having the top 3 on the board.

AGONY OF DEFEAT

Here's who to blame the most for your team finishing off the podium.  Unfortunately, the Synchronized Race Walkers didn't need to be on the top of this list, as well. The Japan women's Judo team did not live up to the billing, falling just short in too many matches. Japan also takes the second spot, with the disappointing showing from Gymnast Daiki Hasimoto.  Whichever gymnast is chosen by Macronian Cheese in the next games, look out - this is twice in a row they have terrible luck in selecting a "sure thing" gymnast that doesn't deliver.

Despite the performances that didn't pan out, these games proved to be filled with all the drama, unpredictability, and epic performances that truly did wow us all.  Once again the Olympics have captivated us all.  These memories mark the time in our lives.  My age is now older than the number of Summer Olympics that have ever occurred.  We only get so many opportunities to witness this spectacle, and I am thankful once again to get to journey along with you all. 

Until next time...CITIUS, ALTIUS, FORTIUS

Day 15: Baking Up A Batch of Medals

 We head into the final day of the games, and after a massive amount of medals handed out, there has been a huge shift in the standings!

Baguette the Gold had a meteoric rise in the standings to be in podium position after adding 69 points today! She thought that her teams chances were dried up like a crouton, but now she's looking like fresh bread out of the oven. Panera may just throw chunks of baguettes in bags for free, but there's nothing thrown away in the effort this team has earned, battling to the end.

However, there are still some competitions tomorrow, with only 44 points separating 2nd through 5th place.

Who to cheer for tomorrow:

• Handball - Spain Men (Atheltic Avengers) goes for Bronze; Germany (Eiffel Power) vs. Denmark (Team de Triomphe) for the GOLD - Triomphe needs this to try and get back to the podium
• Water Polo - Hungary Men (Dont Ledecky Us Get Hot) goes for Bronze vs the USA; Serbia (Hunchback) vs. Croatia (Seine Superstars) for GOLD
• Basketball - Australia Women (Golden Beret) goes for Bronze; USA Women (Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot) go for GOLD
• Volleyball - USA Women (Macronian Cheese) vs. Italy Women (Synchronized Race Walkers) go for GOLD
• Weightlifting, Wrestling, and Cycling all still have events occurring throughout the day.

Recap of medals from today!

DISTANCE

• Marathon - Benson Kipruto, Kenya - BRONZE - Macronian Cheese
• 800m - Djamel Sedjati, Algeria - BRONZE - Team de Triomphe
• 5000m - Jakob Ingebrigtsen, Norway - GOLD - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane
• 1500m - Faith Kipyegon, Kenya - GOLD - Baguette the Gold

SPRINTING

• 4x400m - Rai Benjamin, USA - GOLD - Eiffel Power
• 4x400m - Gabby Thomas, USA - GOLD - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

WEIGHTLIFTING

• GOLD - China Men - Team de Triomphe; 
• GOLD - Norway Women - Baguette the Gold
• GOLD - Georgia Men - Golden Beret
• SILVER - Armenia Men - Macronian Cheese
• BRONZE - Bahrain Men - Seine Superstars

WRESTLING

• GOLD - Japan Women - Seine Superstars
• SILVER - Iran Men - Eiffel Power
• BRONZE - USA Men - Golden Beret; Turkey Men - Synchronized Race Walkers; Azerbaijan Men - Athletic Avengers; Kyrgyzstan Women - Baguette the Gold

DIVING

• BRONZE - Noah Williams, Great Britain - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

CANOE

• GOLD - New Zealand Women - Baguette the Gold;
• SILVER - Hungary Men - Race Walkers
• BRONZE - Denmark Women - Seine Superstars; Hungary Men - Race Walkers

TABLE TENNIS

• CHINA GOLD - sweeps the Table Tennis events
• Sun Yingsha -Baguette the Gold
• Chen Meng - Seine Superstars
• Manyu Wang - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot
• JAPAN SILVER - Hina Hayata, Golden Beret

BOXING

• THE AMAZING UZBEKS - Uzbekistan Men - DOUBLE GOLD

TEAM MADNESS

HANDBALL

• Norway Women - GOLD - Baguette the Gold
• France Women - SILVER - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot

FOOTBALL 

• USA Women - GOLD - Synchronized Race Walkers

WATER POLO

• US Women - finish off the podium for the first time in the history of the event (sorry Synchronized Race Walkers)
• Netherlands Women - BRONZE - Baguette the Gold
• Australia Women - SILVER - Macronian Cheese
• Spain Women - GOLD - Golden Beret

BASKETBALL

• USA Men - GOLD - Athletic Avengers (This must have been what it was like to be a Warriors fan all those years, Steph Curry won this medal)
• Serbia Men - BRONZE - Team de Triomphe

VOLLEYBALL

• France Men - GOLD - Eiffel Power
• Brazil Women - BRONZE - Golden Beret
• Beach - Mol/Sorum, Norway - BRONZE - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

Day 13: Survive and Advance

 Team USA Basketball finally had a tough challenge and Serbia delivered a major one. After crushing Serbia in the group play, three time NBA MVP Nikola Jokic led his team of sharpshooters to a 17 point lead late.  Steph Curry had his Olympic moment, carrying the team with 36 points and sealing it with free throws late. After seeing some blowouts, it was really fun to see the best in the world have to BE the best and step up across the board.  They will battle France for gold on Saturday, which should be an epic atmosphere in Paris.  Athletic Avengers await the chance at glory. Team de Triomphe selected Serbia, so nearly got a boost, but still has a chance for Bronze, facing off against Germany and Seine Superstars. France was UNDRAFTED, which i clearly regret.

Shoutout to Speed Climber Sam Watson of the USA who set a world record twice during this event, but unfortunately lost in the semifinals. He did set the latest world record in the Bronze match at a blistering 4.74 seconds climbing 15 meters (49 ft) to take a medal home from these games! A man named Leonardo from Malaysia took gold, claiming the first ever gold medal for Malaysia that's not in Badminton.

Scoreboard Update - with three days of the games remaining it's time for us to survive and advance.  The race is on for gold, silver, and bronze.  Team de Triomphe holds on to second place by a point, with Eiffel Power having a strong day, breaking the 200 point barrier. Lots of big money team points still out there in Basketball, Football, Handball, Volleyball, Women's Field Hockey, and Water Polo.

CANOEING

• GOLD - New Zealand Women - Baguette the Gold; Germany Men - Eiffel Power

CYCLING

• GOLD - Omnium - Benjamin Thomas, France - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot
• BRONZE - Keirin Race - Emma Finucane, Great Britain - Team de Triomphe

FIELD HOCKEY

• Belgium Men - OFF THE PODIUM - Athletic Avengers (stick to waffles)

DIVING

• Wang Zongyuan, China - SILVER - Macronian Cheese (China also won gold, but someone that no one drafted!)

WEIGHTLIFTING

• GOLD - China women - Synchronized Race Walkers; Indonesia Men - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot
• BRONZE - Bulgaria Men - Eiffel Power

WRESTLING

• GOLD - Iran Men - Eiffel Power, Japan Women - Seine Superstars
• SILVER - Iran Men - Eiffel Power
• BRONZE - Azerbaijan Men - Athletic Avengers; Cuba Men - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

COVID-19

• UNDEFEATED - No medals awarded - 0 points

SPRINTING

• Kenny Bednarek, USA - SILVER - Team de Triomphe
• Noah Lyles, USA - BRONZE - Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot
• Grant Holloway - GOLD - Macronian Cheese

Finally BOXING - France Men of Synchronized Race Walkers and Uzbekistan Men of Hunchback of the Swimming Lane faced off in the 51kg Gold Medal bout. With a unanimous decision, Uzbekistan takes Gold and France gets the Silver.

Day 12: Spinning Her Wheels

Kristen Faulkner was not even on the USA Olympic Cycling team a month ago. She wasn't even riding bikes until 2017. After getting a venture capitalist job in NYC, she picked up riding a bike in Central Park as a hobby.  She realized she liked it, was pretty good at it, and started trying some races. She won races, lots of 'em.  Quit her job, turned to cycling professionally four years ago. She didn't qualify for the Olympic team initally, but then Taylor Knibb also qualified in the Triathlon and resigned her spot on the cycling team to focus on that event. Faulker got the call up from USA Cycling, and a month later, she took advantage and blitzed the leaders at the end to claim the road race gold.

So the US threw her on the Cycling track sprint team, and now Faulkner has pedaled her way to a second Gold Medal! 20 points in cycling that none of us had any foresight to select either.

Not too bad for a ride in the park. Maybe one of us could be a badminton savant? Time to chase your passion.

Speaking of passion, the Artistic Swimming title was delivered today, and Team de Triomphe splashed and dazzled her way into second place with the Chinese team claiming the Gold. The US team performed their "Sorceress" routine and secured their first medal in forever.  With Russia banned, this made it a wide open competition for the first time in forever.

Fierce Splashing

The Paris games have made a big deal about this being a very equal opportuinty Olympics, with women's events being available in all disciplines. Buuut, there's no men's artistic swimming. Interestingly enough, there was a rule change for this year that allowed a max of two men on each roster.  None were selected for the teams.

DISTANCE:

• Race Walk Mixed Relay GOLD - Alvaro Martin, Spain - Athletic Avengers

WEIGHTLIFTING - the first medals getting raised up!

• GOLD - China Men and Women - Synchronized Race Walkers, Team de Triomphe
• BRONZE - USA Men - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

CYCLING

• Men's Team Sprint  - SILVER - Great Britain - Ethan Hayter and Oliver Wood of Synchronized Race Walkers and Baguette the Gold
• Women's Team Sprint - BRONZE - Great Britain - Elinor Barker and Neah Evans of Athletic Avengers and Macronian Cheese

ARTISTIC SWIMMING - CHINA GOLD for Team de Triomphe - 20 point boost!

WRESTLING

• GOLD - Iran Men - Eiffel Power
• SILVER - Armenia Men - Team de Triomphe
• BRONZE - Armenia Men - Team de Triomphe; Kyrgysztan Men - Macronian Cheese x 2!; Cuba Men - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane; Japan Women - Seine Superstars

SPRINTING

• 400m - Quincy Hall, USA - GOLD - Seine Superstars

BOXING

• France Men - Silver AND Bronze - Synchronized Race Walkers

Day 11: sHocker!

 The 1500m race was shaping up to be an exciting event, but wow oh wow was it EXCITING. World Record pace, the defending gold, silver, and bronze medalists leading the pack, and then Cole Hocker and Yared Nuguse turned on the jets and burned the Brit like it was 1776. The American Middle Distance Revolution is alive!

My team did draft Jakob Ingebrigtsen, and I was feeling pretty confident with his blazing start, but I'm glad to take the points hit for this injection of stars and stripes in my veins.

Scoreboard update - I still had a good day:

DIVING - China gold (Seine Superstars) and Silver (Baguette the Gold)

WRESTLING - Things were a SLAMMIN' today

• GOLD - Cuba Men - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane
• SILVER - Kyrgyzstan Women - Baguette the Gold
• BRONZE - Japan Women - Seine Superstars; Iran Men - Eiffel Power; Kyrgyzstan Men - Macronian Cheese

FIELD EVENTS - Miltiadis Tentoglou - Long Jump GOLD - Synchronized Race Walkers

SPRINTING - Gabby Thomas - USA - GOLD - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane

CYCLING - Men's team sprint - 

• NETHERLANDS GOLD - Harrie Lavreysen - Hunchback of the Swimming Lane - the team set the world record in Heats yesterday, and then broke it again in the final!

It's getting down to the wire - what's left?  Lots...don't give up hope!

I can confirm what's done - don't put your hope here:

• Swimming (but not Artistic!)
• Archery
• Badminton
• 3x3 Basketball
• Equestrian
• Fencing
• Gymnastics (but not Rhythmic!)
• Judo
• Rowing
• Rugby Sevens
• Shooting
• Surfing
• Tennis

Day 10: Ragin' Cajun

 Armand Duplantis plants his name in history by not only winning the men's pole vault final, but he went back to try and attempt a world record height.  He cleared it on his second try and put on a show for the Paris crowd. Born and raised in Lafayette, LA, a track and field star in Baton Rouge at LSU, Duplantis said the Paris crowd was great, almost like a football game at Death Valley. Sounds like a slam dunk team USA featured athlete...but he drapes a Swedish flag around his shoulders?? Despite the family history how did we not make a push for this legend? Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot ultimately says "laissez les bons temps rouler!" and takes the 10 points Duplantis provides.

MONDO

Plenty of action today - here are the updated standings:

No change to the order from yesterday, but some solid point jumps.

Badminton - GOLD for An Se-Young and Hunchback; SILVER for Kunlavut Vitidsarn and Don't Ledecky

Gymnastics - GOLD for Zou Jingyuan and Hunchback, GOLD for Rebeca Andrade and Golden Beret, SILVER for Simone Biles and Team de Triomphe (mega drama for Bronze after a points inquiry - hoo boy, I think Romania got jobbed)

Canoe - GOLD for Australia Women and Hunchback (Noemie Fox, the younger sister of Jessica Fox won gold! Sibling Rivaly Xtreme); Great Britain Women and Golden Beret win Bronze

SILVER for Great Britain Men of Atheltic Avengers and BRONZE for Germany Men of Eiffel Power

Distance - Faith Kipyegon was initially DQ'd for interference, but the Kenyan delegation protested and it was overruled. Faith had a bit of a tussle with a Ugandan that cut her off during the race and there was some arm grabbing and trash talkin' action.  Faith bagged the silver for Baguette the Gold.

Cycling - Track events started today with the Women's team sprint - BRONZE for Lea Friedrich of Golden Beret; GOLD for Emma Finucane of Team de Triomphe

3x3 Basketball - we all stunk!  USA Women are the only medalist from our teams, laying up for a Bronze for Baguette the Gold.  USA Men don't medal, neither do Serbia men, Latvia Men, or France Women - Hunchback, Macronian Cheese, Race Walkers, and Eiffel Power all foul out.

Surfing finally reached it's conclusion - Caroline Marks of the USA took the GOLD for the Seine Superstars, Brisa Henessey finished in 4th just off the podium for Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot.

Day 9: (It's been) One Week

 If I had a million dollars, I might be an Olympic Gold Medalist from the Phillippines.  Government and other sponsorship incentives have now activated for Carlos Yulo, who is now a DUAL gold medalist having been promised a house, a condo, Free Ramen for life, and free colonoscopies for life (once he turns 45).  Now that he's won two golds, it's not clear if he gets two lifetimes of colonoscopies or not.

That's the joy of having no worries about clean bowel health.

Noah Lyles seems like the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.  What a wild and crazy guy. Jamaica tried to match wits, they tried to hold him, but he busted through for Gold and title of world's fastest man. Legend status that the US has not obtained since Justin Gatlin in 2004.  Dont't Ledecky Us Get Hot told Noah, "You did just what I thought you we're gonna do," and takes home the Gold. Kishane Thompson of Jamaica takes the Silver for Athletic Avengers.

Leaning, like they are falling for the first time

Scottie Sheffler didn't need a new set of clubs, you know the kind with tiny nubs. Scottie did what Scottie does and closes out a tournament on Sunday with a mind blowing 62 to come from behind and claim the gold. He's won virtually everything in the past few years, and now gets to put Olympic champion on his list. He clearly wasn't the underdog, but an American hero, just the same - delivering when it counted. Overcome by emotion with the Star Spangled Banner playing, Scottie unleashed the water works - us too, Scottie, us too. 

Pinch me

If I made mad films, they may not feature a samurai, but it might feature KAYAK CROSS.  This beautiful sport made it's debut at the Olympics and features four kayakers at a time getting dropped off a 15 foot ledge into the water, and racing through a course featuring a ROLL ZONE, upstream and downstream gates, and paddle-slappin' action. 

Jessica Fox of Australia and Hunchback of the Swimming Lane was trying to win a triple gold in this event, but came in second to her SISTER Noemie in a heat, so unfortunately misses out on the triple threat. That's going to make for some interesting family gatherings...she may have forgiven her, but it'll still be two days before she says she's sorry.

It's NOT been done, befooooore

WHEW what a round-up...Time to check in on the other medals - who needs sleep?

Like Harrison Ford, it's getting frantic in the standings! Eiffel Power and Baguette the Gold make BIG moves today bringing home some major hardware - Eiffel Power now sits 2 points out of first place after leading the standings with 13 total golds!  Can the tower of power make a monumental achievement and finally overtake the nautical bellringer? Or will the golden pastry keep rising that dough up the standings? 3rd and 4th place are only 2 gold medals away from the top spot, and 5th-7th place are separated by TWO POINTS. Don't Ledecky Us Get Hot is unfortunately cooler than the other side of the pillow.

TENNIS

• DJOKOVIC GETS THE GOLD - Novak wanted this one badly to round out his career, and given the opportunity, he did not let anything stand in his way, even the recent Wimbledon champion, Carlos Alcaraz of Hunchback of the Swimming Lane, who does get a silver.
• ERRANI AND PAOLINI of Italy take the GOLD in women's doubles - TEam de Triomphe and Eiffel Power high five and celebrate the 10 points.

TABLE TENNIS

• The king of ping was crowned today, with Fan Zhendong of China claiming the men's singles crown for Macronian cheese.

ARCHERY

• Kim Woojin is the modern day Robin Hood, winning his third gold for Macronian Cheese.  The final did come down to a one-arrow blast off, where Kim and USA's Brady Ellison each hit 10s, but Kim's was closer to the center, so he claims the crown.  What an effort by Brady!
• Lee Wooseok of Team de Triomphe claimed the Bronze

GYMNASTICS

• Men's rings - Liu Yang of Athletic Avengers gets Gold, Zou Jingyuan of Hunchback of the Swimming Lane gets Silver
• Women's Uneven Bars - Laylia Nemour of Baguette the Gold bags the Gold, with Suni Lee of Seine Superstars swinging in for Bronze

FENCING

• Tommaso Marini of Italy and Macronian Cheese stabs a SILVER
  

DISTANCE/FIELD ATHLETICS

• Ethan Katzberg of Canada and Eiffel Power hammers ahead with a GOLD in the Hammer Throw

SWIMMING

THIS IS IT - the end of the pool lanes

• Golden Beret celebrated like Katie Ledecky, going wild in the stands with a cowbell for Bobby Finke, who won the marathon race - 1500m.
• The two final relays - womens and mens 100m medley relays - featured China, US, and France finish for the men, and US, Australia, and China for the women. 
• GOLD - Qin Haiyang - Golden Beret
• GOLD - Regan Smith - Baguette the Gold, Gretchen Walsh - Race Walkers, Kate Douglass - Baguette the Gold
• SILVER - Caeleb Dressel - Seine Superstars, Ryan Murphy - Eiffel Power, 
• SILVER - Mollie O'Callaghan - Hunchback, Kaylee McKeown - Team de Triomphe
• BRONZE - Leon "You think you're lookin' at Aquaman" Marchand, Synchronized Race Walkers

It's been one week, what will this final week hold? The race for GOLD is on!!